Patrick Baker is a writer for Cartoon Network's Regular Show, and has written for NPR, Comedy Central and BuzzFeed.

Tardis Beat (Zine) by Patrick Baker

It's timey-wimey for a Tiger Beat spoof that EXTERMINATES Doctor Who fandom! Feast your eyes on this ultra-glossy gossip rag with the scoop on all the hottest Doctors Who.TARDIS Beat includes features like, "Daleks Who Dare to Steal Your Heart," "4th Doctor Dishes on Fab Scarf!" and a mini-poster of those sexy Cybermen. Warning: When you read TARDIS Beat... don't blink.


"The author, Patrick Baker, can and should be applauded for this ridiculous, well-observed send-up of all The Doctors Who. However, I'd like to take this opportunity to praise an often unsung hero, the layout designer. In this case, the incomparable Mike Reddy, who was responsible for making this zine – as well as Dream It! Screw It!, We Don't Think You're Racist!, and Killing It – look so goddamn perfect. A former designer for Seventeen magazine, Mike told us this project was easy, and that all he had to do was 'follow [his] worst design instincts.' Even his 'worst' is, quite frankly, the best." – Geoffrey Golden



  • "TARDIS Beat is clever and spot-on. You will laugh. It would also make a great gift item for the Whovian in your life."

    – Fanboy Planet
  • "How can you resist this?"

    – Qimbuy’s Bookstore
  • "If you possess any level of Whovian fandom, then you would enjoy this publication!"

    – Confident Gamers




Editor's Corner

We live in a perplexing age. Science and technology grow at an astounding rate. NASA is learning more and more about the nature of the universe and the laws that bind it together. Now that we know time travel is possible, we must start asking tough questions. Must we tread lightly for fear of causing unknown harm through the butter y effect? Or do we throw our arms up in futility, realizing that the existence of time travel must mean free will is an illusion? Are our days not only numbered, but meticulously mapped as well? These are no small questions...

...but they sure are boring questions! Where's a fan supposed to go if they want to read about time travel without considering things like an ontological paradox? What if they just want to see hot pics of smartly dressed British boys who call themselves "doctor" riding dinosaurs, dating queens, or zapping robots with a magic space wand?

Calling all wibbly wobbly timey wimey friends: This one's for US!

We don't ask, "How dense is the TARDIS that it has a gravitational pull large enough to bend space- time the way it does?" We ask, "Would the 11th Doctor teach me how to tie a bow tie? And would he wrap his arms around me when he does?" The TARDIS Beat Goss Squad will never say "the time has come to consider a moratorium on altering history, for we are too small to see the larger picture of our universe in totality." But we'll totally say "OMG! Look at the literal washboard abs on that cyberman!"

We know what you want, and we're giving it to you. If you want to read snooze-fests like Scientic American or the MIT Technology Review, go for it. But if you want all the hot goss surrounding one dreamy shapeshifting alien and the handful of humans that follow him around, then you're gonna love TARDIS Beat!

Meg Overmeyer

Editor in Chief